


How You're Feeling, Who You're Thinking Of

by bones96



Category: Unavowed (Video Game)
Genre: Calli is still human, Characters shipping each other, Crushes, Except no they're actually in love, F/F, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Kevin is broke, Love Triangles (kinda), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, References to Homophobia, Suggestive Dialogue, Vignettes, everyone can see it, everyone knows but them, man-eating plants
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 15:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18875854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bones96/pseuds/bones96
Summary: For forty years it had just been the two of them, and a father who thought it best not to ask. There had never been a need to define themselves. Now, suddenly, their lives were full of people, and with those people came questions they did not yet known how to answer.





	1. Children Are Nosy

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where the Unavowed fandom is, because it's an incredible game and it deserves a bigger following. I guess if I must contribute, then I will.
> 
> Since I first played the game I have written a ton of fic, but it's all unfinished snippets that don't really add up to anything. I have hope for this idea because it's just a series of really quick scenes, and I'm aiming for less than 1000 words per chapter. And I've already finished the first chapter, so that's a good sign. 
> 
> I don't know if anyone's going to read this, but if you do, I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think!

Just as the throwing knife left her fingers, something buzzed by Mandana’s ear. The knife hit the center of the bullseye, but not before slicing through the blue orb that had suddenly appeared before her face.

“KayKay! You surprised me,” said Mandana. “I did not know that you and Logan had arrived.”

KayKay bobbed up and down in greeting, and then she zipped across the room, to the wall where Mandana displayed her trophies.

Mandana smiled and followed her. She was not upset to have her practice interrupted; KayKay seemed excited about whatever she wanted to discuss, and Mandana quite enjoyed the silent rapport she had developed with the small ghost. KayKay appreciated her blunt honesty in a way few adults did. Mandana was her guru of sorts, the one she came to specifically to ask questions that Logan would neither answer nor ask for her — “ _cuz u wont BS me_ ,” as KayKay had so concisely put it.

“I polished this one most recently,” said Mandana, indicating a blade with a mirror finish. Since ghost hands could not disturb Mandana’s carefully arranged display, her swords were the perfect medium for their conversations, even though the limited space forced KayKay to write in text-speak.

KayKay hovered in front of the sword, her translucent blue form just obscuring it as she fogged up the metal and wrote a question. “ _r u + Eli dating?_ ”

“Oh!” Mandana’s eyes widened. KayKay’s curiosity usually concerned the darker, grittier details of their missions and the forces the Unavowed were up against, and Mandana provided those answers gladly. But she was not keen on describing the intricacies of her sex life to a child. “No. Eli and I are not dating.” That was the truth, if only because they had never been on a proper date.

KayKay moved quickly to replace the words on the sword. “ _Well u shld date him_ ”

“Do you really think so?”

“ _yes! ur cute 2gether!! :P_ ” KayKay wrote feverishly, allowing Mandana barely enough time to read each one of her thoughts before erasing it and writing the next one. “ _He hugs u when ur sad._ ” “ _its cute when u argue._ ” “ _u make googoo eyes @ each othr_ ” It was difficult to tell with the dead, but KayKay seemed to have plenty of conviction on this subject, and it was starting to make Mandana’s head spin. “ _u make him laff_ ” “ _\+ vicki said_ —”

“KayKay!” A soft but stern voice made KayKay stop writing in the middle of the sentence. “You’re not telling Mandana what we talked about, are you?”

“Hello, Logan,” said Mandana. “I am glad to see you. KayKay and I were just having a conversation about Eli.”

KayKay bolted away from the wall and hid behind Logan. “I told you, that’s way too personal,” Logan whispered to the blue orb. Then he turned to Mandana. “Hey, I’m really sorry about that. We caught a few episodes of an old dating show on TV and KayKay thinks she can be a matchmaker now.” Logan paused and listened behind him for a moment. “No, I still don’t think those dogs were kissing. I think they both just wanted the same toy.” He laughed and shook his head. “She’s been staring at you and Eli a lot lately, which I told her was rude and creepy. But she says she can’t stop because she ‘ships’ you two, whatever that means.”

“I cannot fault her for having an imagination,” said Mandana, hoping Logan could not see the blush that KayKay’s suggestion had brought to her cheeks. “I hope that my answer did not disappoint you, KayKay, and if it did, I apologize.”

Logan listened as KayKay floated back up to the adults’ eye level. “Well, she still thinks she’s right. But she says she’s sorry for bothering you. Okay, now let’s let Mandana train for a while.”

The two of them went through the curtain into the parlor. Mandana pulled a rag from her pocket and wiped the fog from the sword. The TrollGate theme music started playing from the next room, and it just barely masked Logan’s voice. But Mandana had excellent ears, and she could hear him: “Really? She said no? Huh. Well, you had me pretty convinced.”

She understood how he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I relate to KayKay on a very profound level because I have the emotional maturity of a ten-year-old and I will never stop having the emotional maturity of a ten-year-old.


	2. Rivals Emerge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being a lot of dialogue with not a lot of description, so it has a nasty case of zebra text. Sorry about that. It's also longer than 1000 words, but less than 1000 is only what I was aiming for, so that's okay.
> 
> These characters are so fun to write!

“I should be able to gauge how far out the root system extends from the roof. Be vigilant in case any vines spawn, but wait here for me as long as you are able.” Mandana nodded at Eli and Vicki, threw Eli an extra wink, then leapt onto the storefront’s awning and began to climb. The brick edifice that would appear a flat surface to anybody else was like a rock wall to her; her feet and fingers instinctively found every divot and grip hidden among the masonry. Eli had seen this exact stunt performed dozens of times and was still mesmerized by her grace and the beauty of it all. Vicki stood wide-eyed next to him, craning her neck to watch Mandana ascend and biting her lip nervously every time she stopped to rest on a windowsill. He wished he could see it for the first time again.

He tilted his head in Vicki’s direction and sighed conversationally. “Isn’t she something?”

“Uh-huh,” Vicki mumbled. “Yeah.” Her gaze snapped to Eli and she frowned.

Once Mandana had disappeared from view, Eli went to rest on a nearby bench. But Vicki stayed pacing on the sidewalk. She seemed particularly restless today, rubbing her palms against her pant legs and obsessively checking every corner of the block for signs of the carnivorous Yateveo tree. After a minute, they heard a bird call from above. Eli couldn’t see Mandana on the roof, but he returned the signal as best he could, a thin wolf whistle to match Mandana’s flawless imitation of a plover. He wicked the saliva from his fingertips and chuckled self-deprecatingly.

“So, you’re obviously sleeping with her.” Vicki was staring at him, hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry, what?"

She pointed an accusatory finger at him. "Don't play dumb with me, Beckett,” she said. “I saw how you were looking at her this morning. Staring at her like you know _exactly_ what she’s hiding under those baggy clothes."

“Jesus…” She really was a good detective. Eli didn’t remember doing any ogling, but he wasn’t surprised to learn he’d been doing it unconsciously.They’d had an incredible night. “Yes. You’re right. Mandana and I… get in bed sometimes.”

"That’s real fucking classy. Hey, when were you gonna tell me and Logan about this? Because you’re not alone with her anymore. We’re all a team now, and and you don’t keep secrets from teammates. Especially if you’re fucking one of your other teammates. You don’t hide that!"

Eli hadn’t seen Vicki this worked up since the day they met, when her anger had been the product of loneliness and frustration. Being on this side of it felt awful. “Now calm down, Vicki. I promise, nobody is trying to hide anything. I guess it just never occurred to us to tell you.”

Vicki clenched and relaxed her jaw. “So are you her boyfriend, or what?”

“No,” he lied. “We’re friends who have occasional sex. That’s all.”

“And how long has this been going on?”

“Thirty years, Vicki.”

“Thirty— Oh…” Vicki’s features softened as realization and a faint blush set across her face. “Oh shit.” She slowly lowered her arms and sat on the bench next to Eli. “I forgot. Things aren’t always that simple for immortals.” She put her head in her hands. “I’m a fucking moron. Sorry for blowing up like that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eli said, putting a reassuring hand on her back. “I know you weren’t really angry with me, anyway.”

Vicki raised her head. “Yeah? Tell me why the fuck I was yelling at you, then,” she scoffed.

Eli smiled. “I think that _somebody_ is feeling a little jealous because she has a crush on Mandana.”

“What? Yeah right.” Vicki’s face got redder.

“You’re a pretty good detective, but I raised two teenage daughters. I know the signs. And I’ve seen the way _you_ look at her.”

Vicki narrowed her eyes, and Eli worried that he’d offended her again. But then, reluctantly, she spoke. “Fine. Okay. I have a thing for Mandana,” she said. “She’s beautiful, and badass, and so _mysterious_. I want a chance to spend time with her and just pick her brain so I can figure her out, you know?”

That was Mandana, all right. “I absolutely understand why you like her so much,” Eli said.

“And you’re really okay with that?”

Eli pressed his lips together. He didn’t know if he was okay with it or not. “I told you already, there isn’t really a relationship to threaten—”

“Forget about that for a second. I mean, are you cool with the whole ‘gay’ thing?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t be?”

Vicki smirked. “I mean, yeah, man. No offense, but you’re old. You’re the same age as my _nonna_ , and I’d tell that old bat I’m fighting fucking man-eating trees for a living before I even consider coming out to her.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about me. Fifty years ago I might have cared, but exposure to the supernatural tends to make you more open-minded. Not to mention, uh…” Eli hesitated and withdrew his hand. “I couldn’t be friends with Mandy if I disapproved of a woman loving another woman.”

“So, are you saying that Mandana…?”

“She has had female lovers, yes.” In the past decade she’d had only one lover, a man. But Eli decided not to share that. Vicki was smiling, and not in her usual sardonic manner. It was almost a girlish grin, a joyful look that Eli couldn’t bear to bring down. Seeing that, he knew what he had to say. Just thinking the words hurt more than he expected, but to strike Vicki down would be selfish. “If you really like her that much, you should talk to Mandy. She’s her own person. Don’t wait for permission from me.” He had no exclusive right to anybody.

Vicki’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak. She was interrupted by a bird call.

“The Yateveo is about to attack!” Mandana cried, bringing the two of them to their feet. She leapt onto the sidewalk from a high windowsill and grabbed Vicki by the waist, pulling her back. “You are not keeping adequate watch.”

A web of spindly roots had torn through a crack in the pavement and was creeping towards the bench. Eli jumped out of the way before they started to wrap around the wooden legs, melding with them. He conjured a fireball and struck the roots where they had emerged, scorching the ends and disconnecting them from the Yateveo. They were safe for now. He knew Mandana had come to Vicki’s rescue because he was the one best equipped to fight a monster tree. But when he looked back at the two women, he saw Vicki, flustered from the suddenness of the attack and by the sight of her rescuer. Mandana nodded approvingly at him, but her grip around Vicki was tight. Eli felt a twinge of jealousy, but he swallowed it down. All for his friend. His good friend Vicki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any time I try to come up with some supernatural thing to put in a story, my brain goes to "man-eating plant" before anything else. I think it's because I was traumatized as a child by Little Shop of Horrors.


	3. Friends Will Push

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this fic has a song lyric for a title and this chapter is the reason for that. It's a Disney song, and I think you'll be able to figure the rest out for yourself. It's so stupid.

The waiter arrived with coffee for both women and asked for their lunch orders. Mandana only wanted a small house salad.

“Just bring me the biggest, most caloriffic meal you have!” said Calli, proudly handing over her unopened menu; she hadn’t so much as glanced at it since they’d arrived. The waiter made a face as he turned away, but Calli didn’t seem to notice. She dumped sweetener into her coffee as she leaned forward. “So, what did you think of that model?” she whispered.

Mandana took a sip of her coffee and grimaced. It was lukewarm. She was too used to getting her tea and coffee scalding hot to be served beverages by mundanes. She had really only come to this place to humor Calli, who said it was the best coffee she’d tasted in all fourteen months of being human. “His performance was impressive,” she conceded. “His body language in the photographs did an uncanny job of communicating that feeling… that vulnerability of seeing your own life through the eyes of the outside world for the first time.”

“Wow.” The corners of Calli’s eyes crinkled. “That was crazy deep. This is why I love taking you to galleries, Mandana. You have insights like that and you were never even a muse!” Blonde locks fell over her face as she tilted her head with a smile. “Are you sure you were never a muse?”

A familiar tightening in the back of Mandana’s skull confirmed that it was a rhetorical question, not one meant in earnest. She rolled her eyes but smiled. Calli’s sense of humor was lousy, but this was after centuries of having no sense of humor to speak of. “I assure you, the insights granted by your experience are far more profound than mine. Although you had uncharacteristically little to say this afternoon.”

Calli fell back into her seat and frowned. Mandana suddenly worried that she had offended her somehow. “Yeah, I know,” she said with a sigh, absentmindedly stirring her coffee. “I got a little distracted. I saw that model in person and all of a sudden all I could think was that I wanted him to bend me over a table, right then and there.”

Mandana nearly spit out her coffee. “I do not recall you being this hedonistic the first time we met, Calliope.”

“I was still a muse back then, duh. Listen, not to brag, but I’ve inspired plenty of pornography in my time. I used to not get what the big deal was; I’ve got a dress on in that painting and there’s some dude grabbing my naked tits in this one, big whup. But now that I’m a human myself, I understand: humans are _very_ sexy.” Calli removed the spoon from her coffee and stuck it in her mouth with a suggestive “Mmmm!” that drew stares from the other patrons. “It’s not like you’re so prudish. I remember how fast you got into that one soldier’s tent in Havana; your mom basically had to drag you out of there.” She put the spoon on the saucer and placed a hand under her chin. “Having that hottie all to yourself back home must keep you pretty satisfied, huh?”

It was obvious, but just because Mandana knew the answer, it did not mean she couldn’t still ask. “And to whom, exactly, are you referring?”

Calli smirked. “Girl, your face is every visible shade of red right now,” she said. “You know exactly who I’m talking about, _Mandy,_ and you are smitten with him.”

“I believe you have the wrong impression. Eli and I are friends who approach each other for physical comfort on occasion. Perhaps with more frequency now, but — ”

“But are friends with benefits really all you are?”

Mandana could feel her blush now. The warmth recalled the feeling of Eli caressing her cheek, which was not making the conversation any more comfortable. “I… I do not wish to discuss this any further.”

“Oh no no, I’m not dropping this.” Calliope got to her feet and slammed two palms onto the diner table, splashing coffee. She had an excited grin on her face. “I can recognize a love story when I hear it. How do you think the Hallmark writers were able to churn out all of those shitty romcoms so fast? That’s me, baby. And right now I am living in a romcom!” She was nearly shouting. Mandana had a veil but Calliope didn’t; she was only drawing unnecessary attention to herself, and she didn’t seem to care. “This is the part where the quirky best friend has to convince the leading lady to confess her feelings for the romantic lead. And because you’re a Jinn, my job should be pretty easy. Just do what I tell you: Say that you’re _just_ friends with Eli.”

“You know I cannot say that.”

“Okay, say that you aren’t in love with him.”

Mandana parted her lips as if to comply, and then hesitated. “I can’t say that, either.”

Calli closed her eyes and took a triumphant breath. She spoke slowly. “Now say that you are in love with Eli.”

Mandana’s throat was clear, her mouth prepared to form the letters. The strangulation of her vocal cords that occurred whenever she attempted to lie was not happening. Her body was telling her this was an unambiguous truth. Anything she could say to Calli in this moment would be a confession — both to Calli, and to herself.

“I will not say that,” Mandana declared, motioning for Calli to sit back down. She could see their food coming. “I refuse.”

“And that means you could say it if you wanted to, which means it’s true. How’s that for an insight?” Calliope sat down with a huge grin on her face. She swung from triumphant to grumpy when the waiter dully informed that her doughnut burger with fried egg and bacon would take at least twenty more minutes to properly prepare. Mandana offered her friend a small house salad to tide her over during the wait. She wasn’t hungry anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might eventually raise the rating of this to an M, if not because of Calli's racy dialogue here, then for whatever happens in the fifth chapter. I still haven't decided how far I want that scene to go; I'm not going to make it full-on smut, but it still could get pretty steamy. I don't know. Thoughts?


	4. Strangers Will Assume

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is, like, not even about Eli and Mandana at all? I got so caught up in all the Kevin stuff that I ended up having to just kind of awkwardly tack on the part that is actually relevant to this story to the end. So sorry if it ends up feeling a little rushed.

His legal name (as legal as they could make it) was Denny Tsu. Denny Tsu, a friendless, penniless twenty-something who landed both his studio apartment and his line cook job on the merits of a mysterious reference letter that he had begged them not to send. He shuffled out the back door into the alley behind the diner and slumped against the wall to bitterly ruminate on how he had gotten to this point. It was a sad and terrifying sight. The kid only ever raised his head now when he was cooking, or when he heard one familiar word.

“Kevin…”

Kevin’s gaze snapped up. His hair was disheveled and there were deep circles under his eyes; even without the Ba Jiao Gui haunting his dreams, his nights were still sleepless. “Oh god. Not _you_ again,” he muttered as Eli stepped into the alleyway.

“Just saying hi after picking up some dinner for the team,” Eli said conversationally, holding up some plastic bags. “Two cheeseburgers, a veggie burger, and a gyro. They all smell delicious.”

“I filled that order twenty minutes ago. You know that’s going to be cold and nasty by the time you get home, right?”

“And what makes you think cold food would be a problem for me?”

“It’ll never be good as fresh again. Anyway, I know why you’re really here.” Kevin looked at the ground as he fished something out of his apron pocket. “I only get a five minute smoke break. I’ll answer any questions you have, but you’d better give me a light first.” He pointed the filter of a cigarette at Eli.

Eli grimaced. “I didn’t realize you were a smoker, Kevin.”

“I wasn’t until recently. Come on, hurry up.”

Eli shook his head in disappointment as he pinched the cigarette between his fingers and lit it. “They don’t call these things ‘cancer sticks’ for nothing, kiddo.”

“Yeah, I don’t really care.” Kevin’s voice was short. “Jeez, just listen to yourself…”

“Excuse me?”

“The sorry looks? Advice I didn’t ask for?” Kevin twisted his face in annoyance. “I get that you Unavowed people need to keep tabs on me after all the shit that went down. I get it. But I don’t need all this ‘kiddo’ crap from you. I’m a grown man. I can take care of myself. I don’t _need_ a new dad.” The gravity of what he had said took a moment to land, but suddenly Kevin’s eyes were full of tears. He looked like he’d just been slapped across the face. His hand went limp and the cigarette fell, unsmoked, onto the pavement. Eli quickly stomped it out. He recognized the look of remembrance on Kevin’s face and knew it was best to give him a moment. He couldn’t know for certain what was going through the young man’s mind, but he could hazard a guess.

Eli saw himself in Kevin. How could he not? A family gone, and forced to abandon everything he knew and cared about because someone he didn’t even know had made him out to look like a monster. Eli wanted to believe himself savvy enough that he would have stretched out that jackpot for a while longer, but why kid himself? When he’d been in the place Kevin was now, he would have burned through that money in weeks, perhaps even literally.

It pained him how quiet Kevin was when he finally spoke up again. “Just get it over with, okay?”

Eli asked Kevin all the standard questions: Have you witnessed any supernatural activity you wish to report? Have you experienced any residual side effects from your close encounter with void activity? Have you discussed your experiences with anyone else, void-touched or not? Keeping in mind our limited resources, what aid do you feel the Unavowed can provide you? Kevin insisted that nothing had changed since the last time they spoke. He kept glancing impatiently at the door leading back inside. Eli couldn’t help but notice that he hadn’t gotten out another cigarette.

“We just want to make sure you’re safe, Kevin,” said Eli once the check-up was complete. “That’s what the Unavowed stand for.”

“Yeah. I know.” Kevin sighed. “Look, I won’t tell you to stop ordering from the diner, because we need the business. But, uh, maybe have your wife come pick it up next time, instead of you.”

“My… wife?” Eli’s stomach dropped. His wounds were older than Kevin’s and nearly scarred over, but they were still there, and he was certain Kevin could recognize the remembrance in his eyes as his mind flashed back to Donna. “I’m sorry, I don’t have a… I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“You’re not married to that genie lady?”

“Jinn,” Eli corrected reflexively before he fully realized what Kevin was saying. “Wait, what? No, no, Mandana is _not_ my wife.” It came out more severely than he had intended it to.

“Oh, sorry. I just… assumed.” Kevin pressed his lips together, as if debating whether to say what he was thinking. “You remind me of them when I see you together. That’s all. Always on each others’ case about something, but at the end of the day you care about each other more than anything and you’re a team, and nothing can get between that. I’ve never met two people more like my parents, actually.” He paused. “Don’t… take that to mean anything, though.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Eli was the one staring at the ground now and wallowing in self-pity. He stayed that way long enough that Kevin didn’t even bother to say goodbye and slipped back into the diner as Denny Tsu without even a word.

Just as well. The food in his hand was damn near freezing at this point; the rest of the team was going to give him hell for being too chatty. But he couldn’t stop himself from acting paternal. That was just the way he was, and he understood how that would make Kevin wary of him. The kid was so hesitant to accept help from anybody for fear of betraying his parents, his very first support system. And Eli began to wonder if he was not letting a similar hangup prevent him from loving again.

He thought of Donna, whose eye color he couldn’t even remember. She would always be his first great love, but she had been gone for so long. Would she not want him to move on?


End file.
